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Ohne dich ist alles doof

Over this past 2016, I was just wondering "Jadi ini rasanya punya support system selain orang tua pastinya yang jauh dari tempat rantau" I know that I could always count on him somehow. I always take care of everything by myself and not really dependent on others but somehow deep down inside you know that you cannot tackle anything just by yourself. One of my friend even called me "Strong Independent Women". Well I said, I still need some men to protect me though. I feel like you need someone to cheer you up and that you could tell anything you've been through over the rough and excited days. You need someone who understands your feeling and what just happened to you without you tell and just sensing it. You can talk over just about anything from things happening in world out there to just silly things of everyday life. You can share what's in your thought and how you feel without being judged and feel comfortable. You just happened to be a friend of mine. A close one. Whom I spent a large portion of this past year with you and even ending this year and welcoming the new year of 2017 together. I just know that whenever I am with you, I feel safe and secured. Like you are there to protect me and help me out. You always do, with hesitation. Concern whenever I got sick and rescue me with the medicine (?) In which makes me worry about you either whenever you are not feeling as well, I try to help as good as I can. With gift that you called not so romantic but successfully made my heart melt. Just because. just because. you just know how to make people happy. you do. but you always said you don't.


And questions like these just coming out of my head every single day.

Can men and women could be just friend?
Is this merely just a mere exposure effect that leads to our proximity?
Is it because that if you care someone enough then it makes them be on top of your priority?
How do you differentiate between affection and lust?
Is it just a simple give and take or as deep as harvesting and investing?

I just couldn't describe and define this feeling and don't know what to expect.
I feel comfortable like these but worry at the same time. just because. just because
I always worry about our future.
I just don't wanna lose you.

Without you everything is weird and silly.
It feels like something missing that day.

and now you are hundreds kilometers away
in the other side of the world faraway
yet you still asked me if I was okay
when I was having a rough day

you still feel so closed
even when I cannot meet you in person

but I still miss you.
my dear
(only) friend or (best) friend
or else?
what should I call you?


-NA

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